I help entrepreneurs leapfrog over the typical potholes that derail most small businesses with inspiration, motivation, education, and support across a wide range of business topics drawn from over a decade of running my own business, teaching entrepreneurship for the City of New York, and coaching and consulting privately with dozens of women and minority small business owners. Honestly, why go it alone when help is an email away?
Say Less
Last week, a friend and fellow business strategist shared a piece of advice she'd recently received that really struck a nerve with us both. Part of its brilliance is in its simplicity.
"Say less."
That's it!
This is not the 'say less' of modern lingo where it means you don't have to say more to convince me, I'm in.
This say less means stop talking so much.
Say less because you don't owe others an explanation, a justification, or even a reason.
Say less because your yes or no is enough.
Honestly, I have a tendency to feel like I need to justify myself if I'm going to disappoint others. It's a deeply ingrained habit from which I'm trying to break myself free because it really does not serve me.
I also know that when you literally say less what you do say has more impact both in personal and, especially, in business contexts.
And, while silence can be uncomfortable, there's tremendous power in allowing it to happen and letting others break it. In doing so, they often reveal things they wouldn't otherwise during regular back and forth conversation.
The other application of saying less is perhaps more nuanced. It has to do with protecting your time, your energy, and your capacity.
I don't know about you, but I'm 100% guilty of becoming a social secretary any time someone suggests a meeting or get together.
Here's how it typically happens:
Someone reaches out and says something like, "Hey, we should get together soon." In response, I feel obliged to suggest some potential dates to connect, and then we go back and forth trying to find a good day and time.
But if they've suggested the get-together, why do I become responsible for scheduling it?
If you can relate to any of the above, then I recommend you follow the say less advice, too.
To help you with it try one or more of these strategies for a week and note the impact in a journal or daily log:
- Turn down invitations without explanation.
If appropriate, suggest alternative dates that work with your schedule. You can try something like, "Unfortunately, I can't join this time around" or "I so appreciate this invitation but unfortunately can't make it. Here's when I'm available."
- Say less and listen more in your business and personal interactions.
When silence occurs fight the urge to fill it and allow others to speak first. If people remark that you're being so quiet, say something like "I'm just taking it all in" or "I'm happy to just listen for now."
- When asked to connect or meet up, don't jump into social secretary mode.
Respond either with a simple, "I'd love to get together" or "Here's when I'm available to get together." This allows the other person to follow through with their suggestion for a meet-up rather than putting the onus on you.
One thing to note is that others may react strongly to your change in behavior.
In saying less we are setting and protecting our boundaries and quietly asserting our confidence and control, and not everyone will understand or embrace this.
Stick with it, though. We teach people how to treat us and that re-education can take a little time to take root.
And, of course, if you'd like some help establishing and maintaining your boundaries, book a Business Therapy session with me. I'd love to support you in this!
Until next time,
PS – If you missed it, last week I shared how to prepare for Google and Yahoo Bulking Up Email Protections.
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I help entrepreneurs leapfrog over the typical potholes that derail most small businesses with inspiration, motivation, education, and support across a wide range of business topics drawn from over a decade of running my own business, teaching entrepreneurship for the City of New York, and coaching and consulting privately with dozens of women and minority small business owners. Honestly, why go it alone when help is an email away?
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